So many broken children living in grown bodies mimicking adult lives
~Ijeoma Oluo
Hi, I know you were expecting an article or a little gossip, but this time is a bit different from Media & Journalism’s usual pieces. As a writer, I wrote and wrote, like I was running out of time. But I realized that time is all I have, and so I wanted to write a piece dear to my heart about the day I grew up. This piece is my last piece in Echo Media, and I hope it resonates with you as much as it did with me (no matter how bittersweet it may be).
We all wanted to grow up. Rushing to be that older person who knows everything. Sometimes, I felt like I grew up too early. What I would give just to turn back time…. Have you wondered when you grew up?
Disclaimer: This article is completely from the writer’s POV and thoughts. It may be sensitive to some, so reading discretion is advised.
~start~
Do you remember when everything changed?
The day you cried because your balloon flew away.
The day you stopped putting cartoon Band-Aids on your boo-boos.
The day you sneakily stayed awake and found the thrill of freedom.
The day you got lost in the supermarket and did not panic.
The day you stopped believing your stuffed animals came alive at night.
The day you scraped your knee and looked around to see who would care.
The day you stopped running to the gate when your dad came back from work.
The day you lost your dog.
The day you broke a little.
The day you cried.
The day you watched your parents fight and pretended not to hear.
The day you stopped making a wish as you blew out birthday candles.
The day you stopped believing in magic.
The day you shouted at your brother to leave you alone.
The day you realized monsters lived in people, not under beds.
The day you could not wait to go to school to escape home.
The day your friends mattered more than your family.
The day you got annoyed at your mum asking how your day was.
The day you wished you had never been born.
The day you went to your grandpa’s funeral.
The day you cried.
The day you looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise who was staring back.
The day you failed and thought it was the end of everything.
The day you passed no one clapped.
The day silence felt louder than any scream.
The day you kept a secret too big for your heart.
The day you hugged yourself to sleep.
The day you wished would end as you waited for the night.
The day you felt the weight of the world on your shoulders.
The day you cried.
The day you wrote in a diary like it was your only friend.
The day your voice cracked and you wished it hadn’t.
The day you Googled how to stop the pain.
The day you skipped a meal because the mirror said so.
The day you tried to laugh at a joke that hurt you.
The day you stopped caring.
The day you felt like nobody understood you.
The day you slammed your bedroom door just to be heard.
The day music started speaking louder than people.
The day you watched your friends grow into strangers.
The day you missed a call you can never return.
The day you cried.
The day you people-pleased a little too much.
The day you said “I’m fine” to move on.
The day you walked home in the rain and didn’t mind getting soaked.
The day you chose silence over being right.
The day you learnt to let go.
The day you forgave someone who never said sorry.
The day you walked away for your own peace.
The day you stared at your ceiling, wondering who you’d become.
The day you realized you weren’t a child anymore, but not an adult either.
The day you cried.
The day you paid your own bills and felt strangely proud.
The day you moved into your own place and sat on the floor eating takeout.
The day you cried in the shower because there was no one else to see.
The day you chose sleep over heels.
The day you realized success didn’t feel the way you imagined.
The day you spent your birthday alone.
The day you lost something and questioned everything.
The day you stopped chasing and started living.
The day you cried.
The day you felt seen by someone for the first time.
The day you partied till you were gone.
The day you first kissed a stranger.
The day you Uber-ed back home for the first night.
The day your crush said your name and it echoed in your head for hours.
The day you had butterflies in your tummy.
The day you said “I love you” and it wasn’t returned.
The day you met your soulmate and knew he was the one.
The day you lied to save your bloodline.
The day you said “I love you” and it finally was
The day you wore white and kissed the sky.
The day your huge belly did not seem ugly for once.
The day you broke your bones to make an angel.
The day you held your child for the first time.
The day you cried.
The day you ran behind dirty footsteps.
The day giggles felt like joy.
The day tiny screech filled the home.
The day you thanked God for being alive.
The day you woke up early just to enjoy the quiet.
The day you bought groceries and remembered your childhood snack.
The day you realized your parents were also kids once.
The day you called your parents just to hear their voice.
The day you realized you were becoming like your mother.
The day you forgave your parents for not being perfect.
The day you realized growing up never really stops.
The day you cried.
The day you sat by the window and watched the world without needing to be in it.
The day you reread old letters and smiled at the handwriting.
The day you said goodbye more than you said hello.
The day you looked at your hands and saw time written in your skin.
The day you visited a place that no longer remembered you.
The day you forgot a name but remembered the feeling.
The day you lost your partner and still set two plates at dinner.
The day your children looked at you like the hero you once saw in your parents.
The day you held your grandchild and felt life come full circle.
The day you sat in silence and it felt like company.
The day you stopped chasing time and let it carry you.
The day you finally felt enough.
The day you smiled.
The day reality hit you so hard that you could never have it all back again.
And then, maybe for a minute.
Just a minute.
You would give it all up for a bear hug from your dad.
A kiss from your mum.
A nudge from your brother.
A shirt from your sister.
A wink from your crush.
A lift from your friend.
A giggle from your kids.
A smile. A stranger. Smile.
But no.
Tears.
Tears were all left.
Hold the heart and cry.
The day you cried.
Remembering everything you lost and everything you found.
You grew up.
~end~
Note: If ever in need of emotional support, Sunway’s 24/7 mental health crisis hotline can be contacted at +603-29350042.
Written By: Tisyha
