Reverie
09:59, 3rd January
The corridor seemed to stretch endlessly. My mind was in a daze, only focusing on the fact I was late. The unfamiliar walls, windows and waves reminded me that I felt like I didn’t belong here. Soon enough, a buzzing sound started to echo in my head as I approached classroom 11P, my hopefully permanent class. Its atmosphere spilled out the wide-open door, and my hand shivered from the cold.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Ah, you must be Reverie! Come in!” an excited voice bellowed deeply.
I took a deep breath. I’ve done this many times before, what makes this time any different? I turned my head to face the class. It felt like a giant had picked me up by the head and was slowly crushing it, with my legs dangling numbly in the air. I teetered on the edge of the corridor and the doorframe, trying not to fall in.
“Ah, don’t worry, Reverie, we’ll make you feel right at home! Now, class, say hi to our new student.” The teacher walked towards the door. A monotone greeting followed his footsteps as he gestured for me to stand in front of the Smart TV, facing 11P head on.
“Hi everyone, my name is Reverie and I just moved into the Clearwood neighborhood.” I gulped. “Hope we get along well, and it’s nice to meet all of you.” My smile faltered.
“Thank you for the introduction, I’m Mr Brown.” He returned to his seat on the left side of the spacious classroom. “You may take a seat next to Kai.” He gestured slightly to an empty desk, sunlight streaming down on it and the boy named Kai who sat next to it; his jet black hair radiating no warmth back.
However, as I took small, shaky steps towards my newly assigned seat, I could see a warm smile form on his face. But as our eyes made contact, I looked away, deciding to focus on the porcelain white tiled floor, and the fact it only got colder as I approached the second last row of tables.
Kai
11:52, 3rd January
“Nice to meet you,” I said softly.
“Nice to meet you too.” She moved her bag to the side of her table and looked at me.
A feeling akin to drinking hot chocolate on a cold day spread all over me, draining out all my other senses. I tried not to look her way too often, but alas, my eyes betrayed me.
“Okay class, turn to page 67. Let us begin partial fraction decomposition today,” Mr Brown bellowed, a flurry of paper following immediately.
“Uhh, excuse me,” a sweet soft voice teetered. “May I share your book too?” Reverie asked.
With a flash of elation, I just replied with a quick “Sure!” Upon realizing my apparent disinterest, I replaced it with the biggest smile I could muster. She smiled back.
Time flew by in what seemed to be a daze, the hours passing like the coldness of the room calming the thousand butterflies that yearned to leave my stomach. However, the silence between us stood as a reminder that it was all in my head, a feeling I knew all too well.
“Wow you seem really good at this already.” Reverie peeked at me from her notebook, the silence between us shattered simultaneously.
“Oh, I read the material before class,” I sheepishly replied. Her compliment made my heart beat louder, louder than her voice.
“Woww, good technique.” She buried herself in her beige notebook, her pen moving faster than the hands of the class clock. I couldn’t help but smile. Talking to her didn’t feel like a chore, I didn’t have to force myself to do so, it all just came pouring out of my mouth.
Alas, recess ushered itself in with the ring of the bell.
“The bell does not dismiss you, I do!!” yelled a voice drowned out by the scratching of chairs against the floor, followed by footsteps so loud you would assume it was a giant’s.
“Do you wanna sit together?” I asked, slowly putting my belongings into my beige backpack.
“Oh yeah sure.” She stood up, waiting. I felt bad making her wait, so I packed as fast I could. However as I shoved my textbook into my bag it felt like a sharp knife dragged itself across my skin, fast as lightning and as hot as boiling water.
Thump.
My hand had gave way to the book, its weight landing it straight off the tiled floor. A wave of embarrassment hit me, its crest crashing into my chest as Reverie picked it up and put it in my bag for me. The laughter of my classmates in the background was like the audience of a sitcom.
“Let’s go! Please lead the way.” She gestured to the door, her hazel eyes sparkling in the midday sun. Her voice put me at ease for a reason that was hard for me to put a finger on.
But it still stirred up in me.
Reverie
12:01, 3rd January
The last two hours somehow felt faster than I had anticipated. The racket of thoughts, tensions and terrible situations slowly disappeared as the numbers filled the nooks and crannies of my head. Usually they would return as soon as I stopped thinking about the various equations and analysing the patterns, but with Kai next to me they didn’t seem to.
As we walked down the now more familiar halls, I both felt a sense of ease and distress.
His figure was just tall enough, just muscular enough and just studious enough. The soft bounces of his black hair, the way his feet strided in between each other and the piercing yet comforting gaze whenever he turned my way. I didn’t expect to feel this way on my first day here.
However the anxieties of being new still reared their ugly face at me, the unfamiliarity of each corner mocked me and the sound of the crowd irked me out. But despite the reluctance of this place to accept me, every time he spoke, the air seemed to become more inviting, the chatter more human-like, and the buzz more faint.
Soon enough we arrived at the cafeteria, its spacious hollowness somehow comforting.
Kai
12:42, 3rd January
“I’ll see you back in class, you don’t need to wait for me,” I said to Reverie as I made my way to the washroom, her nodding head reassuring me.
When I walked into my sanctuary, I usually only had one thing in mind, but today I had two.
The feeling I got when I saw her was like the gentle flow of a stream down a flowering pasture. The first day of the new semester hadn’t ended and I had feelings for someone. How could I move on so fast?
I tried to be rational with myself. Just because I moved on so fast, it didn’t mean that what happened wasn’t real. Whenever I remembered that night, I had to take a deep breath.
I missed her, I missed her dearly. It was always ups and never downs when I was with Liz. The fleeting freedoms, cut abruptly by fate’s sick fantasies. How dare they take her away from me.
What overcame me was almost routine at this point.
I counted them down, the shallow breaths, then the cold tears, then the agile pulses.
The third stall in the bathroom was where I’d always go, the corner of the wall steadying my shaking form.
I would never forget that her death was my fault, the first night we left town together.
The headlights, the fast drive, the stars above us.
I was reckless, and I lost it all.
And in it all, my heart betrayed the solemn reverence and felt for someone else now.
I wondered.
Who am I to deserve to love someone again?
Written By: Caelan
