My days seem to blend together.
I’d wake up. Look at the outside world. See what I’d always see. Try to pass the time. Go back to sleep. Some days, I question the need to get out of bed. The world is moving just fine without me. Why does it matter if I’m there with them?
Why does it matter if I can be there with them?
Far from the Earth’s atmosphere, I look from afar.
My bubble in the sky has all I need, really. My bed and bath are all I require, and frankly, it’s all the comfort I need. I don’t even remember how I got here.
My parents? My family? My friends? My job? I don’t know who to blame. Who pushed me into this bubble? Who trapped me? It’s not a question I cared to think about. Not a question I cared to answer.
All I know is, I’m here now. My safe space. My home. My hopes, desires and needs have nowhere to go. They’ll be here, forever. No one to tell me otherwise. I can just exist without judgement. I can be myself. I can live on my own carved path.
I know of the person in the bubble.
I can only watch from afar. How can someone be so content being alone?
Why can’t I be that way?
I seem to care too much, for a person content with being alone. Your loneliness has made me lonely. It seems we all feel lonely when we feel lonely. Lonely. What am I even saying?
The thought of being lonely is lonely. Happiness in loneliness is still lonely, but why is that loneliness better than mine? I’m not a happy kind of lonely, a sad kind of lonely. I’m only lonely.
You’re a cancer.
My need to be with you is the reason I’m lonely. You’ve infected me with your loneliness by abandoning me. Why did you shut yourself in? Why can’t you let me in?
All I do is ask questions.
I ask the questions you don’t care for. I want to stop caring for your questions, but it seems your questions have become my questions.
Separation is loneliness, for some, but comfort for others. You’ve earned your comfort at my expense. You’re a selfish person. I hate you.
I hate that I care for you.
I’ll destroy your bubble.
My reality was in control. My bubble was my destiny.
Why did you do this?
You came with your swords, guns, knives. Of words. Shamelessly begging at my direction. Pleading for me to return.
I was destined for the skies. And you are? An obsessed peasant. An earthling with no direction. A being who lives for companionship.
I was your companion. I completed you. But you didn’t complete me. You lived for me, not yourself.
You accuse me of infecting you with loneliness? Fool! You infected me!
You filled me with guilt. Guilt that I didn’t care for you. I do not owe you my worry, the same way you don’t owe me your worry. Why can’t we just exist? Why do you have to care? There’s no need for you to care about me, so why do you care?
Carve your own path! Life doesn’t wait to mess with you. Acting fast will save you!
You are destined for much greater things. You can be your own person. Destroying my bubble will not bring you joy. It will only tear you down.
You can’t change reality.
The reality is that you don’t need me.
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
WHAT DID I DO TO YOU.
WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS.
I NEVER HURT YOU.
WHY ARE YOU CUTTING ME OUT.
WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME.
WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS POWER OVER ME.
TO TWIST ME INTO DESPAIR.
I ADMIT I AM WEAK.
I LIVED IN YOUR SHADOW.
I EXISTED FOR YOU.
YOU CONTROLLED ME.
AND NOW YOU’VE JUST LEFT ME?
WITH NO PURPOSE TO SERVE?
MY MEANING WAS YOU.
I LIVED FOR YOU.
YOU CRETIN OF A BEING.
I HATE YOU.
That’s a strong word. Your tone is very pointed.
You’ve said it. The reason I cut you from my life.
Because you aren’t living your own life.
Admit it. You’re dumb.
I gave you the chance to live your dreams.
And you’re not living them.
You have something beyond knowing me.
You have thoughts. Special thoughts.
Think them. Follow them.
Follow your heart.
I will never come back.
But that’s your chance to be yourself.
Find your worth.
Find people who will love you.
But remember to be yourself.
Live with your own purpose.
You aren’t coming back, are you? It’s irreversible for a reason, I guess.
Fine. I will think. I will live. Without you.
I’m someone. I’m a person that exists in this world. I have happy thoughts, and thoughts of sadness. But the important part is, I have thoughts. Beliefs. Opinions.
I am independent. I should be.
It’s too late for me to rely on others. Today’s a new chapter in my life. A life without you, but a life, nonetheless.
I spent time in grief. I begged louder than anyone’s ever begged. I wanted your return.
But now’s a new chapter. Now’s the time I carved my own path.
Maybe it’s not a bubble. Maybe I’m not destined for the skies just yet.
But Earth is a land filled with possibilities. Over the horizon is where the unexplored potential lies. I just have to walk far enough to reach it.
I’ll be comfortable without your presence.
Someday, I won’t think about the bubble in the sky.