echo The following article discusses topics of a sensitive nature so some readers may find the following content disturbing and controversial. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the article belong solely to the author and do not reflect Sunway College and Sunway University’s values.
Content warning: bullying, violence
~
There are lines in our life that govern the way we behave – invisible barriers that bind our every action and word; a cloth tied securely around our hands and lips. Most of the time, we don’t notice that it’s there. It fits so snugly around us that we consider it a second skin. But when we find ourselves in an ordeal where the lines become visible and the cloth begins to tighten – when we are stripped bare of our ignorance and grasp how truly vulnerable we actually are – that’s when we start to suffocate; our body rendered immobile and our voice silenced under the pressure.
And all we can do is cry.
~
“Stop crying.”
Those words would have sounded sincere had it not slipped out from smiling lips, its tone ridiculing. The voice was too close to her for comfort, as if the owner stood just a hair’s breadth away, but Ina was too numb to react. Not when she was cradling the remnants of her phone in the palm of her hands, its wires hazardly spilling out of the plastic casing, wet from her tears. She could imagine a small animal in its place, gutted and bleeding. Can it still be saved? Or is it…
Dead?
“Seriously, girls are so weak these days,” a different voice spoke, coming from a few metres away. “Break their little toy and they go bawling like a child.”
“I mean, she is a child isn’t she?” said another.
“Hey, what does that say about us? We’re all the same age here.”
“I’m seriously offended to be the same age as her.”
Their chatter and giggles seem to reverberate around her, bouncing off the bleak walls of the school’s girl’s bathroom and creating an echo chamber of degradation. She could feel each of their shadows looming over her, trapping her in a seemingly endless darkness as she kneeled curled up on the cold bathroom tiles. She couldn’t bring herself to lift her head, lest she saw something that would appear in her nightmares.
“Hey,” the voice closest to her suddenly called. “You aren’t going to tell anyone about this, right?”
The question was asked out of mockery rather than concern, as when Ina glanced at her from the corner of her eye, there was no hint of worry on her expression.
Lee So Hee knew she had no one to tell.
Ina’s silence seemed to be the perfect answer as So Hee’s haunting smile grew a fraction wider. Kneeling down and reaching out with her hand, she seemed to ignore the way Ina flinched as she gently stroked her head, whispering soothingly in her ear,
“Accidents happen after all.”
Ina was too frightened to move, her whole body chained to the ground. She could only stay frozen as So Hee continued to delicately stroke her head, her hand moving down further and further each time, until she finally tightened it into a fist, trapping a lock full of hair, and forcefully pulling dow–
The school bell rings.
She loosens her grip.
“Damn it,” one of her friends hissed. “We need to get to class before the teacher decides to punish us again for being late.”
“Seriously? Can’t he give us a break?”
“He’ll give So Hee a break. Not us. Though it wouldn’t be fun without us. Right, So Hee?”
So Hee seemed to remain silent for a few seconds, pondering her friend’s words, before releasing her grip on Ina’s hair and opting, instead, to pat her shoulder reassuringly, as if they were lifetime old friends.
“And it was about to get fun,” she whispered softly before standing up and walking towards the bathroom door. “Come on, girls. Let’s go.”
Ina could see their shadows move in unison as they followed So Hee’s lead, passing by her without acknowledging her existence; as if she was just a temporary form of entertainment to them – a toy to be played with, then discarded. As the door creaked open and their footsteps grew fainter, Ina waited with bated breaths for the door to swing close.
“Hey Ina.” She flinched at So Hee’s tone. Pushing past her nerves, Ina looked up at her.
Her expression was void of any emotions as she said, “Don’t forget the money for tomorrow.”
With the threat hanging in the air, the door swung shut with a click.
Ina found it hard to breathe.
Despite the absence of their shadow, no light seemed to shine into the room. The outside merely casted a murky grey glow on the walls and closed stall doors of the bathroom, as if the clouds themselves obeyed So Hee’s every command. The silence that hung around her, which she thought would be comforting, seemed to suffocate her instead. She could hear a faint ring close by; did the school bell go off again?
She should get to class too. If the teacher punishes students for being late, she won’t be an exception.
She wasn’t So Hee.
Yet, she stayed seated on the ground, staring at the broken pieces of wires and plastic in her hands, pondering when it would be her turn next to be destroyed.
~
Cecilia High School celebrates three years of being violence-free.
“We will continue to ensure a safe education environment for our students,” Principal Lee Kyoung Soo declares to the press.
As she continues to skim through the contents of the article, Eun Soo couldn’t help but scoff at the hypocrisy of it all.
About a week ago, her school held a celebration ceremony to commemorate this achievement; performances were conducted – a questionable choice, given the severity of the topic – and a speech was given by the principal that was supposed to be inspirational.
“The moment you were accepted into this school was the moment you became part of our family – a family built from love, care, and, most importantly, respect. I hope all of you continue to uphold these values we’ve fostered for as long as you remain in this school.”
Eun Soo could remember the speech word by word – recollecting back the sensation of her blood pressure rising as she eyed the old man standing on stage, addressing the crowd. She remembered the subtle way some of the students laughed into their palms, passing secret glances among one another; and how some of them dipped their heads down into themselves, suffocating under the pressure of his lies.
Every student knew the truth. It wasn’t that the school had no bullying cases; it was that none of those cases had made it out to the public.
Yet.
‘Whatever. It doesn’t have anything to do with me. As long as I keep my head down, I can get through the school year without a problem.’
Closing the tablet, she directed her attention to the pot of soup that was boiling on the kitchen stove. As she picked up the spoon to stir the broth, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Reading the text from her mother, a bitter taste filled her mouth.
‘Could you help to pick up your sister’s laundry from the laundromat? She needs it for school tomorrow.’
On a regular day, this miniscule task wouldn’t have troubled her, but she was on edge from reading the article before. The principal’s blindness seemed to remind her of her own parents’ obliviousness; how they had always expected her to be at her sister’s beck and call, disregarding her personal needs and time.
‘She’s not even home yet. She can just grab it on her way back.’
Just as she was about to text her about it, she hears the front door to their apartment click open.
“Speak of the devil,” Eun Soo exhales out as Ina walks into the dining room, turning back to the stove. “Your laundry is done washing. Go down to the laundromat and take it.”
She thought her statement was going to go unanswered, as per usual, when suddenly she heard the sound of Ina’s bag forcefully hitting the dining room table. Startled, she glanced back and found Ina glaring daggers at her with red rimmed eyes and a scowl on her face.
“Can’t you see I’m having a hard time?” She retorted back loudly. “Can’t you wait a moment before ordering me around?”
“I didn’t even say you had to do it now,” Eun Soo responded, caught off guard by Ina’s outburst. “Just do it whenever you want.”
“You said it like I had to do it now,” Ina’s voice was rising, hands clenching into fist. “You were demanding for me to do it. I’m not your damn slave!”
Something must have snapped in her when she heard that word. Without realising it herself, Eun Soo slams the spoon she was holding down on the counter, the sharp metallic sound reverberating across the apartment. She didn’t seem to register how Ina flinched at it.
“Hey!” She heard herself screaming. “Those are your clothes! You should be the one responsible for them! Do you know that mum just texted me to take them for you, like you’re incapable of getting it yourself? And this isn’t the first time, either. You think all the packages you ordered suddenly appeared in your room because of magic?”
“And that’s my fault?” Ina screamed back. “You do all that out of your own free will. You could always say no to mum and dad, but you just choose not to because you’re afraid. So don’t blame it on me just because you can’t stand up for yourself!”
“What did you say?” Eun Soo knew she should stop – airing out her anger like this isn’t going to get her anything.
But she couldn’t seem to bring herself to a halt.
“Oh, I guess you’re already so used to being rude and disrespectful that you don’t realise that mum and dad let you get away with talking back to them. It’s not the same for me, but you obviously don’t care.”
Before Ina could respond, Eun Soo was already going off.
“Also, what on earth are you doing, staying out so late after school?” Ina jumped at this. “Hanging out with your friends, buying expensive things? Don’t you feel bad asking mum to give you more allowance every month?”
Ina was shaking now, her eyes welling up with tears. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said through gritted teeth, her voice quivering.
“Yeah, I guess I don’t,” Eun Soo retorts back sarcastically. “I have no idea what it’s like to be the favourite child, who always has someone to pick up after them because their oh, so precious. Seriously, you call yourself a slave? Go look in the mirror.”
She turned her back to her. “You’re the one treating others that way.”
Her statement seemed to linger in the air as silence engulfed the space, only interrupted by the sound of boiling water and the clanging of the spoon as Eun Soo vigorously stirred it around the pot.
She was waiting for Ina to say something, but all she heard was sniffling. After a few seconds, even that stopped.
When Eun Soo turned back, Ina was gone, her bag still left scattered on the table.
She let out a heavy sigh.
‘I’ll head down to the laundromat later.’
Just then, her phone vibrated again.
~
The gymnasium of the school was a long walk from the main building, an area which students seldom roamed – a perfect hiding place. Ina found herself sneaking out of class thirty minutes early to go there without being spotted. She needed some time to think and compose herself for what was to come.
Ever since last night, her mind had been actively playing scenarios in her head of what would happen the next day. After the fight with Eun Soo, she couldn’t bring herself to ask her mum for more money and, thus, was out of her allowance. So Hee and her gang would look for her to ask about it, and when she couldn’t give it to them, they’ll…
Tears welled up in her eyes.
‘What am I supposed to do?’
A million possibilities ran through her head, all which ended in futileness. Should she tell her homeroom teacher? No, he’ll probably tell the principal and be told to forget about it – they can’t risk ruining the school’s reputation, especially if it involves the principal’s daughter. How about her classmates? No, they won’t do anything; they’re all too scared. And it’ll be a matter of time before it reaches So Hee’s ears. Then, should she tell her parents? But what could they do?
In the midst of all the questions and words, for a split second, she wonders if she should tell Eun Soo.
‘You’re the one treating people like slaves.’
No. Eun Soo, out of all of them, would believe that Ina deserved it.
That thought hurt her more than anything else.
‘Do I really deserve this?’
As time ticked by, one second after another, Ina found herself growing numb; she pictured herself being covered in cloth; her mouth, her hands, and feet all binded in tight silk. What would have felt smooth and light, now felt suffocating and irritating on her skin. She could see silhouettes of people she knew, but none of them turned to meet her gaze. Suddenly, she felt a new sensation; a tightening around her neck. There is a cloth there too, and it grew tighter and tighter with every second that passes, as if someone was pulling it taunt from behind her.
She hears a giggle; she knows who it is.
The bell rings.
She hears her neck snap.
~
Ina was 30 minutes late to class. When she stepped in, the teacher stopped in the middle of his lesson.
“30 minutes late,” he exclaimed, staring daggers at her but she didn’t meet his eyes. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
She doesn’t.
Sighing, he pointed his ruler to her empty seat. “Sit down already.”
As she walked over to it, she ignored So Hee’s stare from the back of the class – they would be meeting sooner or later, and she no longer had the strength to feel scared.
‘Just get it over with.’
The teacher resumed his teaching, the tap of the chalk echoing throughout the silent classroom.
*Tap* *Tap* *Tap*
Despite her gaze lowered, she could hear him speed up his pace.
*Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap*
The sound grew more urgent each time – *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* *Tap* – as if it were a time bomb, its seconds ticking down, until-
*BANG*
The loud sound echoed through the classroom, jolting everyone awake. Looking up, Ina realised that the tapping wasn’t the sound of the chalk at all. It was the sound of footsteps; someone stomping their feet on the ground, until they reached the classroom and slammed open the door.
Eun Soo didn’t appear fazed at the shocked expression of the teacher and students.
“What the-,” The teacher uttered, but seemed to regain himself. “Do you have no degree of respect?”
Eun Soo didn’t seem to register that he was there. Instead, her gaze was slowly surveying the classroom – from one end to the other – taking in each student at a time, until her eyes landed on someone sitting at the back. Turning back, Ina noticed that So Hee was staring straight at her.
Making her way into the classroom, Eun Soo finally averted her attention to the teacher, but only for a brief moment, as she bowed her head down and said, “Sorry for the disturbance,” before walking to the back of the room without waiting for a response.
Ina’s eyes followed Eun Soo’s movement – her footsteps were now silent, her movement slow, as if time had stopped in her presence, and her expression was fixed in a neutrality void of any emotions.
A calm before the storm.
Eun Soo stopped directly in front of So Hee’s desk. The latter looked up at her.
“Are you Lee So Hee?” Eun Soo asked.
So Hee tilted her head at this, and then smiled a cunning smile. “Who else would I be?”
The next thing Ina knew, So Hee’s head was forcefully slammed down hard on her desk, her scream erupting throughout the whole classroom.
And pure chaos ensued.
Eun Soo, with a tight grip on the hair behind So Hee’s head, didn’t let go. Instead, she pulled it upwards, forcing So Hee to stand, before swinging her to the back of the class – her back colliding with the lockers lining the walls.
The students around them jumped up from their seats, screaming so loud, Ina couldn’t distinguish which one of those screams were So Hee’s. But she was definitely still screaming – Ina could see her mouth wide open.
So Hee tried to grab at Eun Soo with one hand, while the other tried to pry away her grip from her hair, but Eun Soo remained out of her reach as she continued to pull and swing her around.
“Hey!” Ina could faintly hear someone call from the front. It was the teacher. “Stop it right now! Both of you!”
But his cries were ignored as the fight continued. Ina looked back at him, seeing him frozen and uncertain, before choosing to bolt out of the classroom – probably to get help.
Rather than focusing back on So Hee, Ina found her eyes landing on her sister instead. Despite her violent actions, Eun Soo’s expression remained emotionless – not a hint of anger or pleasure was being derived from the situation. It was as if she was a machine with a goal programmed into her database, and the only command she was given was to accomplish it.
There was something in her eyes that told Ina what it was.
“Stop it!” This time, she found that the shout came from herself. “Eun Soo! Stop it right now!”
She jumped out of her seat and rushed towards them, hugging Eun Soo from behind before she could swing So Hee for another round. Her presence seemed to bring Eun Soo to a halt as she finally released her grip on So Hee’s hair, the girl toppling weakly to the ground.
“Are you freaking crazy!” So Hee yelled, voice hoarse from screaming. “You’re going to regret this! Do you even know who I am?”
“I do,” Eun Soo answered, voice cold. “And so would everyone else.”
As if on cue, notifications started going off across the classroom, followed by gasps from the students around them, some even giggles. Ina had no idea what was going on. So Hee didn’t seem to know either.
“To be frank, I don’t care about the school,” Eun Soo spoke amongst the outbursts, gently removing Ina’s hands from her waist as she moved slowly towards So Hee. “Your father, your status. They mean nothing to me.”
Crouching down and reaching out her hand, she forcefully grabbed So Hee’s chin and forced their eyes to meet. “Touch my sister again, and I’ll make sure you suffer before they can even punish me for it.”
So Hee’s shook in fear at this; it was the most scared Ina had ever seen her. But it only got worse with Eun Soo’s next words,
“But I really wonder; what would your father think once he finds out that it was none other than his daughter who ruined his school’s reputation?”
Her eyes widened at this. “You wouldn’t,” she stuttered.
Eun Soo finally smiled.
“I already did.”
Ina could feel the vibration of the bell for the next class ring, but she couldn’t hear it, covered by a deafening scream.
~
Eun Soo was punished with a month of suspension from school for her actions.
So Hee, on the other hand, got transferred out of the school completely.
The notifications that had erupted reactions from the students was a video posted of So Hee and her gang bullying Ina in the bathroom that day. The video seemed to be taken from inside the bathroom stall – apparently Eun Soo’s friend had been hiding there the whole time, recording the whole thing. The video showed everyone’s faces clearly. There was no way to cover it up.
It ended up going viral online; even the past victims of So Hee took the opportunity to jump on the video and reveal their experiences. When someone posted the video of Eun Soo throwing So Hee around, the comments all said the same thing:
She deserved it.
Cecilia High School’s violence-free streak has been broken! You won’t believe by who.
“Hypocrisy in its finest form,” says the press as Lee So Hee, the daughter of Cecilia High School’s principal, has been exposed as being a bully in a school supposedly free from bullying.
As Ina scrolled through the various articles and headlines surrounding the case, she couldn’t help but ponder what So Hee had gone through with her father after the incident. The next day, directly after the fight, So Hee was absent from school. She remained absent for the rest of the week, until the next weekly assembly, where she made an appearance on stage for an apology.
“I’m sorry for everything I did,” she said, her voice hoarse and weak. Her face appeared grey and scared, and she seemed ready to flee the moment she was off the stage – a drastic change from her old persona. On the side, Ina could see the principal watch her with a voidness – the same expression worn by Eun Soo that day.
After that, it was announced that she transferred schools. As for her gang members, they were ignored by everyone else.
And, as every situation goes, things slowly returned back to normal. Somewhat.
Sighing, Ina closed off the tablet and put it to the side. It had been three weeks since then, and she was ready to move on, else she would drown in the negativity of it all.
It was a Saturday, and her parents had gone out to visit a relative. She thought Eun Soo had followed them but, instead, found her sister sitting in front of the kitchen stove, watching a pot of soup boil. It was a perfect replica of their fight that day.
Except this time, neither of them were angry.
They hadn’t talked about what happened that day. When they arrived home, their parents were furious at them; Ina, for her silence, and Eun Soo, for her violence. They didn’t say anything as they got bombarded; they didn’t even look at each other. And for three weeks, they remained detached from one another.
Picking up a chair, she placed it beside Eun Soo and sat down. Eun Soo gave her a side glance before staring back at the soup. She had one earphone in her ear.
Ina found herself leaning her head on Eun Soo’s shoulder – something she never did before, but felt normal to do now.
“Next time, let me do the cooking,” She muttered. “You always do it.”
Eun Soo didn’t respond for a while.
“Sure,” she finally exhaled, putting her head on top of Ina’s.
The gesture made her feel warm. There she was, sitting beside her sister who, for as long as she can remember, despised her; for her mistreatment, for being the favourite child, for her negligence.
And who loved her, more than she had ever imagined.
Sitting beside her, Ina felt something that she hadn’t felt for a long time – safe.
Written By: Zi Yi
Edited By: Zhen Li
