echo Disclaimer: For readers with fragile masculinity, proceed with caution.
“Scream ‘Fire!’ if you’re in danger.” “Always carry pepper spray.” “Check for hidden cameras in fitting rooms.” “Don’t wear earphones when walking alone.” “Share your location with family or friends.”
These phrases are all too familiar to women, ingrained in them long before they ever learnt algebra in school. For years, they follow these rules, clinging to the hope of navigating society unscathed, with their bodies and dignity intact. Yet time and again, these precautions are dismissed or mocked by media trends and public debates. And it’s from this very backdrop that the “Man vs. Bear” dilemma emerged.
A TikTok content creator known as “Call Me BK,” began a discussion with his audience: “If you’re alone in the woods, seeing a man is ten times scarier than seeing a bear.” He insisted it wasn’t a hypothetical question, believing women would overwhelmingly agree with him. What began as a conversation soon spiralled into a public debate. Creators began conducting street interviews, posing the now-infamous question: “Would you rather be alone in a forest with a bear or a man?” As the trend gained traction and reached male audiences, it rapidly devolved into a means for disparaging women—unsurprisingly.
Many opposing arguments frame women as misandrists or lacking in pragmatism for choosing the bear over the man, suggesting that “realistically,” a man would be more helpful in escaping the forest compared to a flesh-eating creature. Well, what’s to say he won’t eat her flesh too? Criminal records certainly agree so. A bear is relatively predictable, driven primarily by its basic instincts: to eat or not to eat. You can often outsmart it, run, hide, or wait until it moves on in search of other prey.
A man can be far more lethal. His hunger will never be pacified—not when she is suffering, not when she pleads, not when she is ruined, and not even when she is dead. He will relentlessly pursue her, violate her sanctuary, and strip her of her dignity in the most savage ways until her bones decay. Only one in a hundred men might lack malevolent intentions; the other ninety-nine perceive her as mere prey for their predatory desires.
Consider if she survives the forest. If she recounts a bear’s pursuit, she would likely be lauded for her bravery in overcoming such a perilous situation. However, if she reports being hunted and harmed by a man, the response could be starkly different. She might face scepticism and intrusive questions like, “What was she doing in the forest?” “Is she fabricating this story?” or even, “What was she wearing?” The courage it takes for a woman to speak out about her harrowing experience with a man often leads to her being branded as a liar or a witch, who supposedly tarnished a promising man’s reputation. But what about the damage he inflicted on her body and mind—damage that is irreversible and profound?
Let’s take a moment to step into the shoes of an average man who comes across posts like these. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable or upset when witnessing someone criticise your race or gender, whether online or in person. After all, these aspects are integral to your identity. Many men are keenly aware of the fears women may have and strive to counter negative stereotypes through positive actions and words, hoping to avoid being unfairly labelled. It can feel like an undeserved burden to face resentment or fear, especially when you’ve tried to do the right thing your entire life. However, it’s important to understand that women often don’t have the luxury of making small mistakes—one misstep can have serious, life-altering consequences. This reality invites men to reflect on their own behaviours and consider how societal attitudes and actions worldwide have contributed to these perceptions. While it might evoke feelings of defensiveness or discomfort, it’s crucial to recognise that addressing this issue requires a collective effort, starting with each individual taking responsibility for positive change.
The media is not silent about this trend and perception. The debate has started as a thought-provoking reflection on misogyny and discrimination, and has rapidly rotted and devolved to an online battlefield of toxicity, from reels about ‘killing all men’ to TikTok posts about sending women back to the ‘good old days’. It is difficult for both sides to listen to the other, as it is normal that each side would lean towards their own bias, even if one side is objectively more true and logical.
Metaphorically, this debate highlights a broader issue: the pervasive sense of insecurity that women feel, regardless of the situation or setting. Globally, an estimated 736 million women—nearly one in three—have experienced physical and/or sexual violence. In 2022 alone, around 48,800 women and girls were killed by their intimate partners or other family members, translating to more than five women or girls killed every hour by someone within their own family. Violence against women can occur at any time, affecting anyone—be it your mother, sister, cousin, niece, aunt, or even grandmother. The recent brutal rape and murder of young female doctor Moumita Debnath highlights this grim reality, reinforcing the distressing truth that women face constant threats, no matter where they are—be it in familiar surroundings or a dark forest.
It is widely recognised that, throughout history, men have derived a disturbing sense of power from the suffering of women. From the early days when women were burned at the stake under false accusations of witchcraft, to the present-day horrors of assaulted women’s videos being exploited on pornographic websites, the dehumanisation of women has been a consistent and cruel reality. Women have been reduced to mere objects of sexual gratification, discarded once their perceived utility is exhausted. Their intellect is often dismissed as overly emotional, and their bodies are deemed impure after being violated, leading to a lifetime of shame and degradation.
Every woman carries, or knows someone who carries, a harrowing story of fear, violence, or exploitation at the hands of a man. These stories are not isolated incidents but part of a pervasive culture that condones and perpetuates the mistreatment of women. This is where the distinction between the “bear” and men becomes starkly apparent. The bear, as a metaphor, does not seek to dominate, control, or dehumanise; it acts out of instinct, not malice. In contrast, men who engage in such behaviour do so with intent, revelling in the power they wield over women’s bodies and lives.
I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.
Deep down, the very men who dismiss women’s arguments for choosing the bear are often fully aware of the truth behind their choice. If these men had daughters, they would likely prefer them to be with the bear rather than with a man, knowing all too well the potential harm a man can cause. This awareness reveals a profound hypocrisy—an acknowledgement, albeit unspoken, of the damage they are conscious of inflicting.
However, it’s probable that at least one in five men reading this will dismiss it as misinformation or resort to the most cringe-worthy phrase of the 21st century: “Not all men.” This statement gained notable traction on social media as women began presenting valid arguments for preferring the bear. Many men find solace in defending their own behaviour while perpetuating a cycle of internalised misogyny. Their egos often eclipse their empathy, resulting in responses that ignore the broader context of women’s experiences. It may not be all men, but it certainly is all women.
To those men who remain confused and resistant to change, let’s clarify why women have every right to respond with indignation when confronted with the phrase “not all men.”
*Bell rings* Class is in session kids, take your seats!
Not all snakes are dangerous, but unless you’re a trained zoologist, it’s hard to tell which ones are venomous. So, it’s natural to stay cautious around all snakes, fearing them equally. Does this make non-venomous snakes irrelevant? Absolutely not! Even though they pose no real threat, they are still perceived as dangerous, just by association. Similarly, we don’t always have the ability to discern a good man in a crowd. A woman’s instinct often leads her to be cautious around all men, whether it’s a friend or even her own father. Like snakes, not all men are harmful, but those who are can leave lasting scars. Therefore, this vigilance, while seemingly unfair to the good, is a protective measure against potential danger. Hope that helps to understand!
This online discourse has illuminated the persistent issue of systemic and internalised misogyny, which appears more entrenched than ever. Women are frequently expected to conform to specific roles and responsibilities solely based on their gender. Remarks such as, “If you’re a woman, you should have known better than to venture into the forest alone,” or “She shouldn’t have provoked him, considering she was by herself,” reveal deeply ingrained societal norms. These are not immutable laws, but rather man-made rules designed to dictate the behaviours and boundaries imposed on women.
When men are oppressed, it’s a tragedy. When women are oppressed, it’s tradition.
~Letty Cottin Pogrebin
Similarly, there are no explicit rules stating that women must handle household chores or prepare meals for guests while their husbands socialise, nor are there laws barring women from making leadership decisions, or earning equal pay to their male counterparts. There is no mandate that requires a woman to remain silent when catcalled. Yet, these expectations and sexist norms persist, passed down through generations. Consequently, many women feel pressured to express gratitude for the scant opportunities they receive, all while managing an internal checklist of endless do’ s and don’ts. When they walk away from these expectations and begin marching to the beat of their own drums, they risk being subjected to ugly titles such as “fatherless [redacted].”
It’s easy to overlook the fact that women are born into a cycle shaped by male dominance. From birth to death, they go through a relentless journey in order to be tolerated—not welcomed, but merely tolerated. It starts as early as age five, when girls are told to be obedient, while their brothers are praised for being bold and loud. By the time they reach puberty at 15, any mistakes they make are swiftly dismissed as being due to “that time of the month,” reducing their experiences to nothing more than hormonal fluctuations. At 20, she might be labelled a “whore” for seeking love. By 25, if she prioritises her career, she is deemed non-family-orientated; yet if she desires marriage, she’s criticised for being too eager to settle down. At 30, she’s judged as a neglectful mother if she places her children in daycare while she works. At 35, whispers begin: “I wonder who she slept with to earn that big promotion.” By 40, society may deem her too old, her body no longer fitting the narrow standards of beauty. At 50, she’s pressured to retire, supposedly too aged to make sound leadership decisions. And by 60, she’s relegated to the role of a grandmother, expected to stay at home and care for her grandchildren.
Women, they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they’ve got ambition, and they’ve got talent, as well as just beauty. I’m so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it.
Another devastating aspect of violence against women is the silence many choose to maintain, often because history has shown that women are seldom believed when they speak out against assaults. Less than 5% of sexual assaults are reported to law enforcement, and shockingly, one in five cases reported to the police are dismissed as baseless, labelled as “unfounded.” As a result, many women endure their trauma in isolation, their stories unheard, as they fight their battles alone, hoping the pain will eventually fade. While it is crucial to respect their decisions and privacy, it is equally important to recognise that speaking out can be a powerful step forward. Even if law enforcement fails to act, sharing one’s story can potentially save another young girl’s life, offering hope and courage to those who are suffering in silence. By voicing their experiences, women can help create a ripple effect, encouraging others to come forward and speak up, breaking the cycle of silence that encourages this violence.
Fortunately, with the rise of social media and the human rights movement, women around the world are waking up to the harsh realities of discrimination, and breaking free from these chains. They are determined to ensure that their sisters won’t have to endure the same mistreatment. Protests like the Women’s march, Association of Female Indigenous Warriors, United States abortion protests,and “Woman, Life, Freedom’’ have smashed outdated norms and pushed boundaries, showing the world that women are strong, resilient, and unapologetically powerful. Proving that they are their mother’s daughters.
Moreover, when discussing women’s rights, it’s crucial to recognise that this conversation encompasses all individuals who identify as women, including transgender women. For years, the queer communities have pridefully protested and fought for their rights, with transwomen playing a pivotal role in the Transgender Rights Movement and Gay rights movement, stretching back to 1952. Yet, despite these strides, the violence against them remains alarmingly persistent. Statistics reveal that transgenders are over four times more likely than their cisgender counterparts to experience violent victimisation, including rape, sexual assault, and both aggravated and simple assault. As they strive to live authentically and embrace their identity, transwomen continue to face disproportionate levels of brutality at the hands of men who disregard their gender.
Amidst the conversation, it’s easy to take sides and miss the broader point that feminism isn’t just about advocating for women’s rights—it’s a social movement that calls for equality for everyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion. This includes men who suffer from assault as well. Although the percentage of male victims might not be as high as that of women, pain cannot be quantified. Hence, the “Man or Bear” debate has become a catalyst for many men as well to share their experiences, seeking validation for their pain rather than having it dismissed or minimised. Male victims deserve to be heard and taken seriously too, yet they often grapple with a stigma that questions their masculinity if they speak out. This toxic notion not only silences their voices but also supports harmful stereotypes about strength and vulnerability. It is imperative to dismantle this stigma and create an environment where everyone feels secure in sharing their experiences without fear of judgement or ridicule.
At its essence, that is what feminism is about. It is built on the purpose of eradicating the barriers that sustain inequality and establishing a world where every individual, irrespective of their identity, is treated with dignity and respect. It involves acknowledging that violence, discrimination, and oppression transcend gender and recognising the need for collective action to address these issues. When women advocate for their rights, they are not only championing their own cause but also working towards the betterment of all. Over the years, the feminist movement has increasingly embraced a diversity of voices, standing up for the marginalised and challenging the patriarchy that injects harm on everyone.
Additionally, it is crucial to recognise that there are men who genuinely empathise with women’s suffering and stand in solidarity to seek justice for the wrongs they have endured. True masculinity is not about asserting dominance or claiming superiority; it is about having the self-assurance to remain steadfast in one’s identity without finding gratification in the suffering of others. In truth, this transcends masculinity and reflects the fundamentals of humanity. Unfortunately, in today’s world, many immature men are drawn to the misguided doctrines of self-styled gurus like the convicted felon Andrew Tate, rather than embracing a more compassionate and equitable perspective.
.
Even beyond the statistics, the roots of misogyny often take hold in childhood, where boys are subtly enabled by mothers, guardians, and even female teachers who, perhaps unknowingly, reinforce these toxic behaviours. When a boy’s mess is cleaned up for him or when his harmful actions go unpunished, it is dismissed with a casual “boys will be boys,” setting a troubling precedent. Boys are often chosen to carry chairs and tables, while girls are assigned less physically demanding tasks, further fuelling gender stereotypes. Placing “naughty” boys next to studious girls in classrooms also subtly implies that women are somehow responsible for managing men’s behaviour. Phrases like “girls aren’t good at math” or the notion that if a boy bullies you, it means he likes you, distort a young girl’s understanding of self-worth and affection. Comments such as “don’t cut your hair too short, or boys won’t like it” and “girls should keep their legs closed when sitting” instill the belief that a woman’s value is tied to male approval and gaze. Even seemingly innocuous remarks like “you throw like a girl” carry a condescending weight, gradually eroding her confidence.
Over time, these constant microaggressions can hollow out a woman’s sense of self and individuality, leaving her feeling like a mere shell of a person. It often takes years of fighting tooth and nail to reclaim her identity and assert her worth in a world that has long sought to diminish it.
Women are born with pain built in. It’s our physical destiny—period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out. They invent all these gods and demons so they can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own.
Women, we are the most divine and extraordinary beings to ever grace this earth. We hold within us the power to shape or shatter mankind. Bearing the weight of the world on our shoulders, we advance each day, undeterred by obstacles or detractors. We voice our truths, demand what we are owed, and transcend limits, even as our inner fortitude is tested to its utmost. We tread the paths once forged by our grandmothers and mothers, but we pave the way to ensure it is smoother for those who follow. We guard and cherish our girls with fierce love, drawing them close to our hearts. We battle for our rightful place, demanding inclusivity in our struggle. We are not just someone’s mother, sister, or daughter—we are someone. We are destined for greatness, born to lead. Anything a man can do, we can do it with greater grace and prowess. And to the men who next time dare to wonder what ‘‘position’’ she likes, better know it’s the head of the table.
Therefore, yes, she will choose the bear. Until she can walk the streets alone at night without the shadow of fear stalking her, until she no longer has to plead for basic rights, until she is seen and treated as an equal, until her body belongs solely to her, she will choose the bear. Dying at the claws of that beast would be a far more peaceful end than meeting her fate at the hands of a man who would continue to smear his blood-soaked hands across her grave. If death is her destiny, let her go knowing she was not betrayed by the very world she beared within her.
When I die, leave my body to the wolves. The wolves will be gentler than any man.
~Unknown
The struggles women endure extend far beyond what can be captured in mere words; they are woven into the very fabric of their lives, cultivated over centuries of systemic oppression. The conversation sparked by the “Man or Bear” trend is just a tiny fragment of the vast, intricate mosaic of womanhood. For generations, women have tirelessly demanded change in how they are treated, and while progress has been made, the journey is far from over. Even today, countless women live in constant fear of harm, their voices dismissed as hysterical when they dare to speak their truth.
True equality remains an elusive dream as long as society continues to tell daughters how to dress, instead of teaching sons not to violate their boundaries. Should society fail to grasp this truth, may the fierce and righteous fire of female rage rise, consuming this world that has long inflicted injustice. Let it burn with remorse, purging the old and unworthy, until what remains is raw, pure, and reborn—anew with respect, dignity, and genuine equality.
What’s the greatest lesson a woman should learn? That since day one, she’s already had everything she needs within herself. It’s the world that convinced her she did not
Written By: Ruby & Junn Yin
Edited By: Tisyha
