Prologue
Tears streamed down her face with every footstep, the heavy rhythmic thuds a stab in her heart. She strained her ears to catch even a whisper of prayer or a cry of plea from her parents. The silence resonating, the undeniable echo of her footsteps, the loneliness festering in her heart crushed all dreams and fantasies of her parents wanting her to stay. She walked on still, restraining herself from looking back one last time. The thickness of the silence in the empty street weighed heavy against her heart, the blossoming ache was a complex tangle of guilt and anger.
Guilt because she was walking out on them, for choosing her dreams over their hopes; anger because they never understood her, never considered her feelings for a moment, for forcing her to make such a cruel choice in the first place.
Still she was just a mere eighteen years old young adult and her heart, it yearns for her parents to take back their words. Just so she could return to them.
Just one glance. One fleeting moment. If they so much as look out of the window, I’ll return.
She desperately wanted her parents to cherish and shower her with love, to nurture her and to respect her choices. Love her for who she is. But to no avail. They cannot be persuaded and she would not be swayed. After the words exchanged, like stones thrown back and forth, both parties were bruised yet unyielding.
Probably the one gene I inherited from father and mother. Stubbornness. I’m nothing like them. If only I could be just a little more…similar…
Her footsteps faltered. As she urged herself to walk on, head held high, she couldn’t resist but turned to look at the house she had called home for 18 years. It may not have had the warmth and soothingness she desired and craved for, but it still harbored her one and only safe haven- her bedroom. The one place she had avoided all intrusion and invasion of her parents, designed and decorated at her own hand without intervention from her parents, furnished with her own taste and choice of furniture without parents dishing out unwarranted and uncalled for opinions.
Her parents were not there, not by the windowsill, not by the doors. All lights were out except for the small table light by the window ledge her parents switched on every night when they hit the sack. The silhouette of the bright light on the curtain, a mocking beacon of all the concern and attention she craved but didn’t receive.
They don’t care about me.
The bitterness and resentment lurking in her heart suddenly dominated her whole heart and mind, the only break in her cold facade sealed and with hardened eyes, she walked on, back straight, head high. Every step steady and sure. She disappeared down the bent of the road just as dawn lit up the sky.
Story
“Hey girl! Get out of the way! This is my shop! Don’t block the entrance! Find somewhere else to laze around, beggar!” A brusque tone startled her awake, rising to her feet so quickly she almost toppled and tripped herself. An annoyed man glared daggers at her, recoiling instinctively to avoid contact with her as she flailed to regain balance.
Cassandra muttered her apologies as she quickly gathered her few pitiful belongings, including a drenched jacket that she had used as a bed the night before. A look of disgust crossed the man’s face as he withdrew a few steps back to give them a wide berth, the unveiled appall on the man’s face unhinged Cassandra all the more. Disorientated, Cassandra felt her face heat up as she scurried away from the man’s shop entrance, her embarrassment apparent.
Just one night out on the street and he thinks I’m a beggar. I need to find accommodation immediately.
Cassandra walked aimlessly down the street, the sunny weather a stark contrast to the freezing cold clenching at her heart. Fumbling through her pockets, she all but located RM50 in her pockets. She needed to secure a job before she completely ran out of money. Her accommodation was at stake for the night. She found a part-time job at random restaurants, increasing her total amount of money on her to RM100, but she had no luck finding a place to crash for the night.
Yet another night she slept outside shop lots, bracing herself for the darkness and storms.
Cassandra was still luckier than most, nevertheless. Within a week, although being scorned and treated with indignity by the passersby, Cassandra managed to land herself a job as a hotel janitor. It wasn’t much but it was considered ideal for her as accommodation and food were provided. She had only 2 days of peace when her parents came along.
Her parents tracked her to the hotel where she was working, cornering her at the hotel lobby by the toilet..
“Cassandra, haven’t you spent enough time wasting the days away?” It wasn’t truly a question, simply a statement uttered low, measured and deliberate, the harshness like a blade impaling her right in the heart. He donned on a mask of composure, his face devoid of softness and anger, hard as stone. His hand reached out to smoothen his furrowed brow, his jaw set hinting that it was more disappointment he felt rather than rage.
“Father, you know I ————” Cassandra started to answer but was cut off by her mother.
“Cassandra Walter, you are 18 years old and you’re acting like a baby. We didn’t raise you to earn a living as a hotel janitor, think about the amount of money we’ve spent on you to shape you into the perfect child. This is an insult to us and a dishonour towards our effort to pave a road for you! You’re dumping all the money and time we’ve invested on you into the drain by acting so recklessly and foolishly!” Her mother was the opposite of her father, the loud outburst caused Cassandra to wince visibly, afraid that someone would overhear this conversation. Every word was laced with frustration, every syllable a clash of anger and exasperation, yet the sentences broke momentarily as she struggled to compose herself. Mrs Walter had eyes blazing with fury, frantically moving her hands as she spoke, punctuating her sentences with emphatic gestures.
Shakily, Cassandra looked her parents in the eye, the silence after the outburst weighed heavily on her as the tension in the air thickens. The sudden pause amplified the gravity of their reprimand. Since young, her parents had an iron grip on her, exuding control over her, all her decisions had to pass through their filter of approval. Nothing was ever exempt from their scrutiny, there was no room for negotiation, no space for individual choices, personal preferences were dismissed as foolish whims. Her parents had never respected her as an individual, failing to grasp that their mere presence was stifling, their love suffocating, Cassandra had no chance to grow and live a life.
This ends here today. I will not be dismissed again without a proper resolution. I want to live a life of dreams.
“Father, Mother, please let me make my own decisions. I understand and appreciate your steady presence by my side for 18 years, when you love and cherish me unconditionally. Trust me, I understand you only want the best for me, but your idea of best and success does not necessarily align with my aspirations. I may be uncertain yet what career I would like to take up in the future, but I know I definitely do not want to be a lawyer or a doctor. This is heartbreaking for you, but it is equally hard for me to know that the 2 closest human beings to me will not support me in making such a decision, hence I do not request that you assist me in this route. You need only wait till I achieve the success of my definition. In the meantime, please do not step in my way again, mother and father. Thank you.” Cassandraw bowed down in gratitude to her parents, then raised to look her parents in the eye again.
Only to end up with a sharp searing pain on her cheek. Clasping her stinging cheek, Cassandra froze on the spot, her eyes wide in disbelievement, her mouth slightly parted in shock. The resounding echo resonating in the corner sent a buzz through her ear, her vision watered as the numbness of the pain settled in.
He hit me. Father had never laid a hand on me.
“Cassandra Walter, you will not tell us what to do and what not to do. We’re your parents, only because we love you do we take extra miles to ensure you’re steering yourself towards the correct direction. You must listen to us!” Her father lost his composure, poking a finger right in front of her face, he all but snarled at her. Her mother put a reassuring hand on her father’s shoulder, grief and sorrow flickered in her eyes along with a face as dark as thunderstorms.
“If you really love me, you would respect my decisions. You are only afraid that I’ll tarnish the family’s reputation!” Desperate tears streamed down her face in uncontrollable torrents, glistening trails catching the light of the chandelier at the centre of the lobby. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes red and swollen, her chest heaving, her voice drowning in anguish and hurt. She turned on her heels and fled, not wanting to shatter in front of her parents.
“Cassandra——-!” Her parents started, but she only ran faster down the aisle.
I must be strong and resilient to achieve my aspirations. I will publish my own pieces with credits to myself. I will not be swayed. Forgive me, Father and Mother.
Crouching at the end of a hallway, Cassandra brought her knees close to her chest, huddling at a dim corner, trying to catch her breath. She wiped away the tear streaks, her shoulders shaking with every quiet sob, a mixture of gasps and trembling breaths that broke the silence like a fragile whisper. She knew she needed to get to her duties, but for now the corner served as a temporary sanctuary, giving her the illusion of security and she longed to stay there till her bruised heart was better.
“Miss Cassandra?” A rich and steady voice echoed in the hallway.
Cassandra looked up, her breath hitched as her gaze met a pair of ocean-blue eyes so stunning they seemed almost ethereal. The colour of the man’s eyes was the purest shade of blue, vivid and serene, her favourite colour. Light danced within them, the subtle flecks of silver shimmered, the beauty unearthly and she felt boundless, free within them.
“Miss —–?” Cassandra startled, awakening from her trance.
“My apologies, sir. Did you need something?” The words tumbling out from her mouth while she hastily brushed away the tears on her cheek, the fingers trembling slightly as they darted across her damp cheeks.
“No, no, Miss Cassandra. I just wanted to pass this napkin to you. I’m sorry that I eavesdropped on a private conversation but I overheard your argument with your parents and just wanted to tell you that when I was younger I also acted against my parents’ wishes. Nevertheless, I’m now making a living with my own dream and we also got into better terms as time passed. Hopefully this will make you feel better and be able to continue your mission of achieving your aspirations.” The warmth in his voice soothed Cassandra’s troubled mood, a watery smile spreading on her face.
“Thank you, Mister———sorry, how should I address you?” Her mood already uplifted, Cassandra got up from the corner while thanking the man, smoothening the creases on her clothes.
“Michael Darwin. Just call me Michael. It’s just a small thing. Now, don’t cry anymore. You’re doing great.” The man smiled at Cassandra, the twinkle in his eyes dancing merrily, he passed her a small sheet of paper.
“Sure, Michael. Do call me Cassandra.” She replied, her own eyes vibrant and sparkling as she smiled wider still.
“Cassandra. Got it. See you around.” Michael nodded his head, waving farewell as he turned into a different hallway down the aisle.
As he disappeared down the hallway, Cassandra repeated his name under her breath, a flicker of familiarity sparking in her expression. She looked down in her hands just to see the man had left her his email address.
“Michael Darwin. Michael—–Darwin?” With brows furrowed and narrowed eyes, Cassandra rummaged through her memory, tracing every possible source she recalled. It lingered on the edge of her mind, tantalisingly close but just out of reach.
Then, it occurred to her.
Oh, Michael Darwin!
Her eyes widened in recognition, a warm molten flame of hope and motivation stirred in her heart as her mind raced to devise a plan.
I guess I have a chance to be successful then even in the hotel.
“Michael, sir!” Cassandra met Michael Darwin at the hallway once again. She was initially assigned to sweep the corridors outdoors, but to meet Michael Darwin again, she had volunteered to do the room cleaning of all the rooms at that particular hallway as well as the overall cleanliness there.
“Oh, good morning, Cassandra!” Michael greeted her with a warm smile.
“Good morning, did you see the email I sent to you last night?” Cassandra asked hopefully.
“I saw one new email, but I intended to look through it while having breakfast. How about I get back to you about it after the breakfast session?” Michael suggested while flipping through his phone, nodding to indicate that he received her email.
“Oh, alright sure! Thank you!” Cassandra clasped her hands together nervously, it took her a lot of courage to be bold enough and ask Michael outright to reply to her email. To her knowledge, Michael Darwin was a world-renowned author and movie screenwriter, which was exactly what she desired to be. That would most likely mean Michael Darwin could guide her to achieve her dreams. She couldn’t believe how obliging Michael was though.
Thank you, Michael Darwin.
“Cassandra, I’ve looked through your email and I must say I’m impressed. For instance, short stories, I’m mesmerised by the way you spin your stories, the intricate details you mindfully added in, the complexity of feelings and human nature described vividly and accurately, not to mention, the plots, which were extremely wicked the way the stories developed! For article pieces, I’m equally amazed with how you introduce new perspectives and always seem to be able to shade a new light on a very common topic. I’m curious, would you actually be interested to embark on a new journey to become a movie screenwriter one day?” Michael genuinely approved of Cassandra’s talent and skill. The depth of her pieces was unusual for teenagers around 18 years old, but maybe not impossible as she seemed to have gone through a lot at this young age judging by the pressure her parents exert on her.
“Yes definitely, please give me a chance! I promise I’ll do my best! Thank you, thank you!” Cassandra all but exclaimed, nodding her head vigorously, her heart thumping so hard against her chest she could barely hear herself over the noise. The gratitude she felt was overwhelming but she was so elated, so jovial. Her fidgety fingers just minutes ago, now calmly intertwined in a gesture of patient resolve.
“Now, I must warn you for situations like yours, where your parents do not support you and with your considerably low education qualification, it’ll be extremely difficult for you to gain approval. You will need to stay resilient and diligent. Along the way, you might find yourself at a dead-end, where you have to go way down before you can pave your way through. Like a phoenix, you may say, it builds a nest of fragrant and spices, sets itself aflame, yet reemerges stronger than before, young and radiant. You have to be able to do the same, rise from destruction, malleable and adaptive, unyielding and determined. Do you understand?” The urgency of his tone urged her to meet his eyes.
“I understand.” Cassandra replied without hesitation.
Less than a week later, she was arranged to shadow Michael Darwin in his day-to-day job. She followed him to all his job sites, movie studios, fans meeting sessions, open debate on new perspectives of various article topics, discussions on mystery story plots. He was very patient with Cassandra, and willingly permitted her all access to his pieces, encouraging her to give her opinions including allowing her to collaborate in his newest book scripts, recommending her to various renowned establishments, actors, authors and movie directors, his long-term business partners, broadening her horizon, providing her with a first-hand experience. He was extremely generous as her mentor, helping her to strengthen bonds with influential people and tying knots with people in the same field.
While Cassandra’s aspirations seem to be within grasp soon, her parents’ frequent intervention disrupted her life, as well as her family name. Her parents had let loose the word that the prestigious family of Walter disapproves of the actions of their only daughter in chasing aspirations that go against family traditions . The lineage of the Walter family was dominated by only doctors and lawyers, and it is the duty of each generation of the family to fulfill their duties as either one of the professions. The news spread quickly and in the blink of an eye, most establishments were hesitating to give her the offer to join their companies. No company would want to outrightly go against prestigious families in the fear of getting slandered by the society. No one would want to stick their head out for her, hence bringing about one of the darkest times in her life.
Although Cassandra had long envisioned this outcome, the thoughts of doubt still infiltrated her mind, each text or call from her parents felt like a blow to the chest, the steady anchor they should have been felt like a rock weighing her down, drowning and suffocating. She could no longer sleep comfortably either, spending hours flipping left and right just to get her eyes to close due to the constant reminders of the hesitant faces on company owners or new acquaintances, scrutinising her every action, their refusal to take her in was her nightmare. Every night, she stayed up late, pondering over her work, writing more and more pieces which served as pillars to support her.
I might ignite in flames to get what I want, but I will rise again like the phoenix, remoulded and rebirthed.
I will and I must.
2 Years Later
Cassandra stepped into the golden glow on the stage, the sequin pins adorning her gown caught the light, scattering tiny flashes of brilliance across the room. With every step, a ripple of glimmer goes down the fabric, the pins shimmered with every tilt of her body, turning her every gesture into a spectacle of elegance and allure.
At the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Michael Darwin at the side of the stage, hands folded neatly against his chest, his body language easy, his eyes twinkling as always, a small smile by his lips. A warmth feeling of appreciation blossomed in her heart, the corners of her mouth curling upwards.
Without him, I wouldn’t be me.
Interview Transcript
News reporter: Miss Cassandra, what inspired you to write this book- A life As A Phoenix?
Cassandra: This is an adaptation of my own life, summarising every significant occurrence from when I was 18 years old till now. It’s a diary basically, improvised and improved to a tale told from a third-party point of view.
News Reporter: How did you find the strength to continue down this route when your parents are strictly against your career choice?
Cassandra: Mr Michael Darwin, of course. He warned me this path will be bumpy, that I will have to be strong enough to go down the path myself, maybe getting myself aflame and turning into ashes, but I will have to be an ember in the ashes, the phoenix that survived the greatest molten flames. I kept his mantra as my motto to remind myself constantly that I have to be resilient and work twice as hard to achieve my aspirations.”
News Reporter: What rewards did you reap from this large hit from your book?
Cassandra: What I’ve always wanted to be, aside from being an author, I’m going to be a screenwriter too! Stay tuned to know what movie I will be writing the script for!
News Reporter: If you were to use one word to summarise your 2 years, what would be your choice?
Cassandra: Rebirthed.
Into the flames and soar high. Like a phoenix.
Epilogue
Dawn broke, its tender glow spreading across her house, Cassandra rose from her bed to get ready for her photoshoot. The sky-blue colour of the sky reminded her of her mentor’s eyes, the soft hues of pink and gold reflected the warmth blossoming in her heart as the first light spilled over the horizon.
Her phone beeped.
“Cassandra, we support your decision. We are proud of you.” The first supportive message her parents had sent her since she left home that day.
“I don’t need your support anymore, mother and father. I’ll be fine on my own.” Cassandra inhaled sharply, brushing off the faint twinge, almost imperceptible pain in her chest.
I survived the flames. I’m rebirthed. I’m living the life of my dreams.
Written By: Di En