echo In the year of 2024, loving has never been easier! Finding a new lover is right at your fingertips with social media and dating apps available at your service. But with this ease comes more uncertainty and mystery before even getting into a relationship.
Behold, situationships!
Situationships are the newest trend for relationships in the current times. In case you are unfamiliar with it, situationships are when two individuals begin acting and partaking in activities like a romantic couple before explicitly entering a relationship.
The dynamic has sparked heated debate about whether situationships are remotely good or if they’re just a waste of time. In this instalment of Yay or Nay, we take a deep dive into the relationship type and consider if it’s really worthwhile.
Yay: Kyra
Now, many of you may be sceptical about situationships, like what good does a blurred line bring? Although it isn’t exactly an image straight out of a K-drama, there’s some goodness in this spot between the ‘initial attraction’ stage and the ‘talking’ stage.
Take long-distance relationships, for example: why subject yourself to the agony of being miles apart? Situationships offer that much-needed flexibility, sparing you from the woes of time zones and travel expenses. It is easy to break off the current connection, as it would have been a fun little fling between two bored parties. It’s like indulging on an entire cake, without the regret and sadness lingering afterwards.
Then, there’s the sweet relief from rigid expectations. No need to stress about where this is headed; it’s all about a relaxed dynamic, leading to fewer potential arguments. People can also enjoy each other’s company without any predefined constraints and bid goodbye to all those overprotective and jealous partners. With the lack of traditional labels, it allows for more freedom and self-exploration. This can be viewed in a positive light for couples who value flexibility and open-mindedness. What happened to being #woke guys!
Now, on to shared intimacy. It’s not just about exchanging googly eyes; it’s also about diving into a pool of emotional richness and yes, you guessed it, physical satisfaction. Many confuse situationships with friends with benefits (FWBs). The defining difference is that FWBs rely heavily on physical intimacy, whereas situationships involve a more empathetic connection (like being with a low-maintenance bestie all the time, plus some kissing and… well you can imagine!)
However, it’s essential to note that different individuals have diverse preferences when it comes to situationships; what works for some may not work for others. Communication remains crucial, and people should navigate this in a way that aligns with their values, needs, and desires. Ultimately, the most important factor in making a situationship work is that all parties involved are on the same page and are comfortable with the dynamics of the relationship.
In short, if situationships are what check all your boxes, then by all means, go ahead! What matters is finding what works best for you and your partner(s) and enjoying those moments to the fullest. If I were you, I would get that ‘mafia Wattpad story baddie Y/N’ moment!
- Kyra, who resides in the talking stage (by default)
Nay: Merissa, Trezshur
Imagine this:
You meet someone and you both hit it off. Your common ground is exquisite and you have the same views and morals! You begin doing relationship-esque activities, going on dates, and talking around the clock. You start imagining your future with this person, thinking of taking things a step forward with this special someone. However, you’re hit with a wall, the other person wants to keep things casual and is not ready to commit to a relationship, but they don’t want to lose you and would want to keep the relationship that you share.
Not ideal right?
To be blunt, I believe situationships are a waste of time. While on the surface, the concept of situationships are harmless, I believe that there’s no pretty ending to the story. Situationships usually stem when one party does not have the means and does not want to commit to a stable relationship. While this is a valid reason, the other party who was in hopes of pursuing a full-blown relationship is left with nothing on their plate after a revelation.
I think that situationships are dangerous in the sense that the person who settles for the bare minimum in the exchange is bound to get hurt. While the beginnings of a situationship are fun and —for the most part— a happy exchange, it’s only a temporary solution to a long-term problem. While one could be looking for better love out there, they’re instead confining themselves to one person in hopes of the other to change for them. It’s a waste of energy and effort when you could be doing better things and meeting better people.
Situationships also do not have a good rep when it comes to its emotional influence. More often than not, situationships become burdensome after a while when the baggage of unrequited love takes its toll. This directly affects one’s mood, thoughts and even self-esteem! Some people may even lose confidence in themselves and feel unloveable, despite the outcome of the situationship not being their fault. Ultimately, it’s a recipe for disaster!
All in all, I would NOT recommend willingly getting into a situationship to anyone! I firmly believe that situationships are not worth it in the long run, especially if you are searching for your one true love. Be considerate of your own feelings and know your romantic worth; situationships will hurt more than heal you!
- Trezshur, who believes love is more than gushy feelings.
The first thing that came to mind (or rather, played in my mind) was jazz artist Laufey’s song Like the Movies:
“I want a love like I’ve seen in the movies, that’s why I’ll never fall in love.”
Growing up, movies such as Disney encompassed a significant portion of my childhood, defining what it means to be in love and to love. The kind of love where feelings slowly creep in and realising that the person is the one. The promise of forever between two that provides a sense of comfort and reassurance. Yet most of us know that this isn’t the reality, that a love like I’ve seen in the movies remains unrealistic and barely a reflection of love and dating in today’s society.
Situationships. The notion of will they, won’t they is a common practice amongst young adults in the dating scene. While situationships are a great way to explore and truly know what one wants, it can prove to be damaging to those involved.
To uncover the consequences of situationships, we first have to understand why it occurs. At the core of it, situationships stem from a fear of commitment; whether it be that they themselves feel that they are not good enough for someone or the constant thoughts of the possibility of someone better out there for them. Social media and dating apps are a double-edged sword in this case, as it provides a plethora of options for eligible partners, but at the same time fueling the prevalence of situationships.
Even if there is a prevalence of situationships, why are some people against it? Well, a situationship usually shows us two things: the first being that the person initiating the situationship is not ready to commit, and the other becoming a replaceable asset at any point in time. This is not to say that the person initiating the situationship is considered selfish, as they would probably require some time to figure out if the relationship is something they want to invest their time in. But on the flip side, if the situationship prolongs, this definitely can be unfair for the latter person (who is likely the more attached one). The following will illustrate the negative aspects of being in a situationship.
Negative Self-Worth
Situationships have the ability to diminish one’s self-worth. A situationship has no labels, meaning that a ‘couple’ is not committed to one another. This leaves room for partners to explore or date other people. Even if both partners mutually agree to remain in a situationship, there is the potential for either or both partners to question their self-worth; whether or not they are enough for their partner. Ultimately, these doubts can translate into anxiety within the relationship due to a lack of instability in terms of commitment.
Cassie and Nate from HBO’s Euphoria
Take HBO’s television series Euphoria as an example. One of the main characters, Cassie, sneaks around to hook up with her lover, Nate. They enjoy each other’s company and have mutual feelings for each other, yet their relationship remains undefined— the perfect example of a situationship. The reason being, that Nate still has feelings for his ex, Maddie, and that Maddie is Cassie’s best friend. Throughout the show, Cassie obsessively tries to impress Nate by incorporating an early morning beauty routine to grab his attention. But when he doesn’t reciprocate his affection for her in public, Cassie is seen upset and disappointed in herself.
Here, we can see that Cassie’s self-worth is determined by how Nate responds, showcasing how anxiety and doubts can manifest within a situationship. This is due to the fact that with a situationship, there are no expectations and responsibilities tied to it like a defined relationship.
Fear of Abandonment and Commitment
This leads on to my second point: situationships can create the fear of abandonment and commitment. With the absence of responsibilities in a situationship, partners can be present or disappear without the fear of losing their situationship. For instance, if a person is experiencing a difficult time in their life, there is no obligation for their partner to be there for them. Essentially, situationships are created for the ease of convenience, to satiate one’s desires and needs as and when they like.
A practice such as this can worsen existing issues related to commitment or create abandonment issues. People in situationships will begin to learn that loved ones can abandon them in the blink of an eye. Ultimately, it is a continuous cycle of fear and abandonment which can lead to a skewed view of love and fear of commitment in one’s future relationships.
At the end of the day, I believe that love shouldn’t be something that causes insecurity or for the sake of convenience, but rather something that helps one grow in both good and bad times. Situationships can be beneficial for those looking to explore within the dating scene, but allowing oneself to be stuck in a cycle of situationships can hinder one from forming a stable and loving connection.
- Merissa, who thinks that situationships are a form of escape from a real connection.
And there you have it!
For the most part, whether one opts to be in a situationship or not, is really dependent on how one views love. If love is something that one would like to experiment with, situationships may be a great option to dabble in. Situationships can definitely be an exciting learning experience especially for those first getting into a relationship to figure out what they really want.
Although, it is important to know that constant communication as well as setting expectations and boundaries amongst partners is vital to prevent further heartache and insecurity. If not, it may be time to let go of the person.
On that note, we leave you with this thought: Are you in a situationship for the sake of exploring, or rather a form of escape from tackling the deeper issues within instead?
Only you will have the answer to that.
Written by: Kyra, Merissa & Trezshur
Edited by: Ruby
