Superpowers Every College Students Need

by Alistair Soh
College, or university, can really stretch a person beyond his or her limits. Student loans, house chores, presentations, assignments, deadlines, papers, and extracurricular activities are every struggling varsity student’s nightmare, and all just for that piece of paper – a prerequisite to land them a job. But what if you are more than just a human? What if you are, in fact, super-human? Granted you had the right superpowers, you could definitely make a mark as a student-athlete or become the most brilliant person on campus. But which power would be the most useful? To help you decide, I’ve provided the following list of seven superpowers that would be perfect for struggling college students:

  1. Hyper-intelligence. You have the entire archive of all the libraries, and now the Internet, in your head. Heck, you don’t even need to attend classes anymore if you have a gigantic, super-smart brain that operates at a thousand times the speed of normal human’s! All you need is the assignment sheet, and you’re  ready to start your paper. No need for hours of sitting in the library, researching piles of books, or aimlessly surfing Google for information. In fact, you could probably just test out of every class and finish in one semester.
  2. Photographic Memory. For those who simply wants to ace their tests (sort of…) without overloading your brain with facts, as well as not appearing as some stuck-up know-it-all. You can skim through your books in a flash, and still be able to remember everything you’ve read.
  3. Self-Duplication. If you want the normal pace of life but you still want to get things done faster, you might consider this underrated power: the ability to split yourself into multiple versions of yourself. This way you could enjoy your date with a college sweetheart, while having some video-game time with your friends and attending that lecture in your Chemistry class. I feel sorry for the version of you that has to go to class.
Kagebunshin no Jutsu! Source: 

4. Super Speed. What more could a time-strapped college student want? You could do your shopping, complete homework assignments, take tests, and do your laundry in minutes, instead of hours. You could roll out of bed and get ready two minutes before the start of class and still make it on time!

5. Telepathy. With the power to read and communicate with others via the mind, you could make everyone think you are the smartest person on campus. You would know the answer to every question your professors asked. You would know everyone’s deepest secrets. As long as you took your test in the same room as the smartest kid in the class, you could pillage his/her brain for all the right answers. Of course, all of that reeks of dishonesty, which I would never advocate. Yet.
6. X-Ray Vision. Not for that, kids. We have our mind on loftier deeds, like spying the answers to your next test through your professor’s briefcase or making sure your roommate is clothed before opening the door to your dorm room.
7. Persuasion. It sounds easy, but it’s not. The truth is, people take years to perfect their skill of persuasion to work on everyone, but why not be able to do it naturally? You could walk away with a B instead of a D on your test? Or you could have your lecturer write up a good recommendation letter without much hassle? And if you’re in a pinch, you can always depend on your friends to lend you some cash for the week.
8. Alcohol Immunity. Feeling guilty you went drinking on the night before an important class or an exam? No problem. With superpower, you can avoid being drunk on an important occasion.

9. Sorcery. Think Harry Potter, for starters!This is a broad power with so many applications. You could summon the spirits of Aristotle to teach you Philosophy firsthand, or Adolf Hitler to teach you about World War II. You could enchant the object of your desire with a love charm or pronounce upon yourself a spell of dashing charisma. Or you could do a memory charm to make your professor think that he gave you straight A’s for the term. Ah, the possibilities are endless…


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