echo Introduction
If you’re reading this, you likely fall into one of two categories: the curious cat intrigued by the mystery of the title, or a potential culprit looking for pointers. Regardless, be prepared to be deeply disappointed, because this is entirely a satirical piece aimed at some of the peculiar habits found in people around us.
Regardless of the ups and downs in our lives, most of the time we’re blessed with the chance to be alive and make great things happen. Every day brings a new promise, a new horizon, and unfortunately, a brand new opportunity to be ticked off. Life’s beauty also comes with its fair share of weirdness, and when someone brings that brand of weirdness into our lives, all we can do is mutter a small “What a psycho” and move on with our day. That’s what this piece is about—those minuscule habits or actions that drive people nuts or completely scare them off, sending them running in the other direction. If you resonate with any of the quirks mentioned, please seek help immediately. However, if you know anyone who can relate to this, consider changing your name and moving as far away as possible from them. So, without further ado, here’s a delightfully ridiculous list of quirks that, oddly enough, you should keep an eye out for. (just kidding; please take whatever we say with a pinch of salt or… maybe not)
The Godfather Maniac
In Barbie, to divert Ken’s attention, a Barbie approaches him and confesses to never having watched “The Godfather.” Ken releases an expected gasp followed by, “You’ve never seen it?” and then, without missing a beat, proceeds to narrate the entire plot. This scenario rings true for many, especially women, who have encountered cinephiles or ‘filmbros’ with an unwavering obsession for the movie. While it’s undoubtedly an iconic film, some elevate it to an almost sacred status, looking down upon those who don’t share their fervour. Perhaps it’s time to ease up; even Al Pacino isn’t that obsessed anymore. Try considering a sitcom for a change; not everything has to revolve around tragic mob stories and brooding characters.
“Ew who eats the crust?…Ew who likes pineapple on pizza?”
If you ever hear someone saying those exact lines, it might be a good idea to run in the opposite direction. And if you catch yourself saying them, here’s a quick question: why the dislike for happiness? Let’s start with the crust. It’s just a tiny part of the pizza, made from the same stuff as the rest of it. After relishing all those meaty, saucy, and cheesy bites, a bit of plain bread texture can be a refreshing change. With the myriad of flavoured crust options available nowadays, it’s a bit odd to still dismiss it. Now, onto the pineapple-on-pizza debate. Some argue vehemently against it, but consider this: after indulging in all that savoury goodness, a touch of sweetness can add a delightful contrast. It’s all about balancing flavours, isn’t it? Unless, of course, you have an allergy. Any other reasons for such disdain might call for a revokement of pizza licence.
The Hemingway Wannabe
Beware of the type who can be found reading obscure literature in the most unexpected places, proclaiming themselves as true appreciators of art while dismissing contemporary authors for selling out. You might encounter them reading on a bustling train, in a café at the shopping centre, on a trampoline, or even in a bathtub. They fancy themselves as modern-day Shakespeares, sent to rescue the publishing industry from its supposed demise. Conversations with them will inevitably lead to unnecessary jabs at Jane Austen, labelling her as overhyped, while anything you say is deemed too generic for their refined tastes. These individuals aren’t genuinely interested in appreciating art; rather, they crave the aesthetic of the “Dead Poets Society” to set themselves apart. Their goal is to act differently and diminish others’ tastes and preferences, often leaving those around them feeling inferior for their perspectives. If you sense one of these types nearby, it might be the right time to grab your books and make a break for it.
Instagram Bio or a Résumé
There was a time when people were hesitant to even share their last names with strangers, but now they’re plastering their entire lives on Instagram bios, thinking it’s ‘cool’. Humans tend to overshare once they become comfortable in a company, and in the age of social media, someone who knows nothing about you can be considered a close friend as long as you follow each other online. It’s unsettling how much personal information these people divulge in their bios—birthdays, birthplaces, occupations, even details about their entire extended family. Frankly, it’s alarming how they aren’t worried about being stalked or kidnapped. Essentially, handing out personal information to anyone with an internet connection is downright mad. Just imagine the implications if someone does enter into a relationship with them—it’s like saving goodbye to privacy entirely.
Red Bull is the new water
It’s understandable that everyone’s busy with their lives and may not always prioritise self-care, but going an entire day without drinking water and then downing a bunch of Red Bull is concerning. Sure, the Red Bull might give them a jolt of energy and keep them productive, but, isn’t it also packed with a ton of chemicals? And some actually consider it a suitable substitute for water! No matter how busy one is, taking a few minutes out of the day for hydration should be non-negotiable. If they’ve got time to crack open a can and guzzle down an energy drink, surely a simple glass of water isn’t too much to ask for. Those energy drinks aren’t doing them any favours in terms of health; they’re just fast-tracking their journey to the pearly gates. Honestly, flaunting that habit or mentioning it doesn’t add personality—it just paints them as someone who’s reckless about their health.
When did we get off at Southampton
“Hey mate, I’m just going to hop into the show-ah real quick, catch ya late-ah!” My brother in Christ, you were raised in Cheras—when did you suddenly move to Cambridge? It’s quite common to encounter individuals who love to adopt a fake accent, perhaps under the misconception that a posh English accent equates to intelligence. However, in reality, it often just makes them seem desperate to assume another identity. We’re Asian, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an Asian accent—it doesn’t define our intelligence or who we are. Sure, making adjustments to ensure clarity when communicating with friends from diverse backgrounds is perfectly understandable, but completely overhauling their accent to sound like they’re auditioning for the next run-of-the-mill Harry Potter movie is just plain odd.
Grey’s Anatomy Enthusiasts
What otherworldly demonic force possesses some people enough to compel them to watch 21 seasons of a show about doctors who seemingly do everything but their actual jobs? While it’s understandable that the show may provide comfort for many, maintaining such devotion for 21 seasons is more than just a passion at this point. From what we’ve gathered, the hospital has endured bombings, active shooter threats, and even a rogue lion attack. With main character resurrections and countless other absurd events, one might question if this hospital is even real, let alone how these doctors are still employed. After many seasons and hundreds of episodes, you’d think they’d run out of ideas, but apparently not. Fans keep clamouring for more, and the show continues to churn out completely out of pocket yet entertaining stories. It’s utterly baffling how the audience can sustain such zeal for so many years. This show definitely walked so that Riverdale could run.
It’s Literally 8 a.m.
Picture this: It’s 6 a.m., and you wake up grumpily dreading the prospect of heading to class. You endure the train ride or battle for a parking spot before finally making it to campus. As you enter the classroom, you shake off the tiredness and prepare to focus on the lecture. Only to be met with the sickening sight of that annoying couple in the back, giggling loudly and acting cutesy, as if it’s their first date. While it’s wonderful to see people in love, their behaviour might be just a bit distracting for the others trying to focus, especially considering the wee early hours (it is not, but it still is… early). An 8 a.m. class with 300 people in the hall is absolutely not the time or place for such affectionate gestures. We understand their significant other may be irresistible, but it’s far too early for this. So please, kindly hold off on the lovey-dovey stuff until at least afternoon next time.
Conclusion
While the quirks mentioned above may strike a chord with some, it’s an undeniable truth that our puzzle called life isn’t meant to fit neatly into everyone’s picture. Sometimes, all we can do is shrug it off and carry on with our day. What one person finds irritating might be mentioned in another person’s wedding vows. Nobody’s perfect; we all have our oddities, and that’s what truly sets us apart from one another. After all, aren’t we all just a little bit of psychos trapped in the labyrinth of our minds?
Written By: Ruby
Edited By: Poorani
